Whether we like to admit it or not, bad people exist in this world and — sometimes — they end up finding their way into our lives. Our partners can be toxic, be we can also find ourselves in bed without outright bad people. These are the people who go out of their way to hurt others, feed off of misery, or otherwise strive to manipulate or take advantage of the people around them. They are people filled with darkness who bring more darkness into the world. So how do we deal with them when they’re our romantic partners?
If we’ve found ourselves in a relationship with a bad person, we have to arm ourselves with knowledge and cultivate the understanding we need to free ourselves from their clutches. By learning to spot the signs of a truly bad or toxic person, we can wise-up to their games, and teach ourselves to fly free off the back of our own merits and strengths. We are the only people who have the right or the ability to effectively control our own lives. Start stepping up to the plate for yourself and get real about standing strong on the back of the opportunities and boundaries you create.
Love can make us blind.
There are a number of reasons we ignore the red flags our partners are showing us, and they come down to everything from our own selfish narcissism to our willingness only to see the best in our partners. In order to build happy, fulfilling relationships, however, we have to accept our partners — and the bonds we share with them — for who and what they are. Though we often claim to be blindsided by our good love gone wrong, more often than not, there are a number of critical moments we ignore along the way.
When our partners aren’t right for us, they have a funny way of showing us that truth, but it takes a dose of radical honesty to see these warnings for what they are. To see these red flags for their reality and accept them, we have to start loving ourselves and setting boundaries both inside and out. Only when we learn how to love ourselves can we truly start loving others and receiving the love we deserve.
Loving ourselves requires digging deep, and it requires facing up to the limits of both our joy and our fears. Facing up to the reality of a toxic relationship gone wrong takes time, and it takes creating the stable ground we need to launch ourselves into the future. Stop letting a bad person hold you back from the opportunities that could otherwise offer your joy. Learn how to free yourself and create a life that is entirely your own by leaning into your own strength and truth.
Warning signs that our partners are bad people.
There are a number of signs that you might be dealing with a toxic partner, or someone who only has their best interests in mind. From hidden depths to hatred, a lack of remorse and just general nastiness all the time — these are the warning signs that you’re dealing with someone who is bad for you and your wellbeing.
Perhaps one of the most alarming signs that your partner is a dangerous, bad or toxic person is the scope of their hidden depths. For many of us, the face we present to the world is much the same face we wear at home. The truly bad or evil person, however, is capable of wearing many different faces and presenting many different masks based on their own selfishneeds. Is your partner the perfect person in public and a vicious and controlling monster at home? Deep and dark depths might be a sign.
Cruel to those around them
Cruelty is a sign common to the bad and evil among us, and it can manfieswt in a number of ways. If your partner is mean to animals, friends, family, or children — it’s a sign that there’s darkness in their heart and a complete lack of natural compassion or empathy. There’s no justification for cruelty, and there’s no joy to be found in it. Either is a sign of someone who has a broken sense of what is right and what is wrong.
Humor as a weapon
Not all inherently toxic or bad people seem bad at the start. To many, subtle weapons are a much more effective tool and there is little weapon more subtle than humor. A toxic partner might weaponize their humor in such a way as to belittle or demean you; and they might even use that same weapon to make those jabs in public. Think about the bully who used humor on the playground to bodyshame and terrorize those perceived as “weaker” than them. It’s the same thing in this case, and just as toxic and wrong.
As humans, we often forget the close link we share with animals, and we often forget our own animalistic nature and instincts. Off-putting or strange energy from a partner — especially when you step outside of theirexpectations — can be a sign that you’re dealing with someone who is toxic or bad for you. We pick up on energy, emotions and intentions for a reason. Just as dogs and cats can sense anger or sadness in our emotions before they manifest physically, we too can pick up on the energy and intentions of those around us. When you “get bad vibes” for a partner, there’s usually a reason.
Pleasure in pain
Truly wicked or cruel people love to see other people fail, struggle, or suffer and they seem to get pleasure from the misery of those around them. They love drama and they love to stir to the pot. To the truly toxic and evil person, there is no pastime more fun than throwing a bomb into the middle of someone’s otherwise tranquil and normal life. The pain and the misery is like food to them, and provides an energy and an excitement that’s disturbing. (Pro tip: we should never be rooting for someone to fail.)
Manipulation as the norm
Bad people know their behavior is wrong, and they also know that it wouldn’t be tolerated by society outright. For this reason, evil people engage in manipulation — in order to maintain control of their environments and relationships, but also to normalize actions and decisions that we might otherwise question or resent. This manipulation can happen both mentally and emotionally, but physical coercion might also be involved.
Belittlement all the time
Belittlement isn’t normal, no matter what kind of relationship you find yourself in. If someone belittles your hopes or your fears, or if they go out of your way to play-down and dismiss your emotions — they don’t have your best intentions at heart. In fact, it’s really quite the opposite. When we love someone, we don’t belittle them. We encourage them to succeed and desire to help them achieve the things that bring them peace, courage or joy.
Lying is an art form
We all tell little white lies from time to time, but outright lying is one of the most toxic and relationship-destroying behaviors a person can engage in. Truly evil or wicked partners, however, take their lying to a completely different level. Starting out extremely truthful, this kind of person lures you first into a false sense of confidence before pulling out the rug in order to get what they want from you. They lie about everything, and they use lies to manipulate and keep you unstable and unsteady.
Bad people have no remorse, and they never feel guilt or shame for the terrible things that they do. A truly evil or bad partner will show a total lack of empathy, and therefore a total lack of guilt, shame ore remorse for their poor behavior or the destruction that they wreak. Everything is about them, and anything outside of that doesn’t matter or just holds very little value to them at all. They don’t care how other people feel, because they only care about how they feel. So it’s impossible for them to feel sorry for the pain that they caused.
Hate, hate, hate of any kind
Racism, sexism, transphobia, homophobia — all of these things (when consciously committed to and acted upon) make you a bad and toxic person. You don’t have a right to hold beliefs that injure other people. It is one thing to hold subconscious beliefs that are addressed and overcome. It is entirely another thing to tout those same beliefs proudly, or embrace them as something to be welcomed and celebrated. Conscious hatred of innocent or disenfranchised people is unacceptable, in any form, and is always poisonous to our own personal growth (and the growth of the people around us).
The toxic relationship behaviors you’re learning to normalize.
Bad people keep us around by normalizing their behavior slowly over time. They break us down with their manipulation, lies and belittlement; then using the opportunity to shape our reality in their image. Don’t understand why you keep clinging to someone you know is bad (or bad for you)? The answer might lie in these toxic relationship behaviors that you’re normalizing.
Because toxic people are master manipulators, they often rely on passive aggressive behavior to get what they want from the people around them. These behaviors can be as subtle as the “freeze out” whenever you say or dosomething they don’t like, or it can be as malicious as going behind your back to a family member or doing things you know will make the other person mad. It’s toxic and shows a lack of respect and unwillingness to communicate and resolve.
Scorecards in a relationship aren’t healthy, and they aren’t normal, but they are one of the favorite tools of the toxic and wicked partner. The scorecard happens when one party constantly holds the past against the other party, using it as a justification for their own poor behavior. “You did this, so I’m doing that,” behavior is juvenile, and only goes to reaffirm the mixedsignals and erosion of trust that’s already underway.
Toxic partners hold their partners and their relationships hostage with threats, subterfuge and various manipulations that make it difficult for the other party to find stable ground. The minute they’re crossed, things escalate, leading to threats and blackmail along the lines of, “If that’s how you’re going to be, I can’t date you,” and other statements that cause their partner to think that the whole relationship is off if they don’t comply. In this kind of relationship, neither party can trust the other and communication becomes unsafe.
Bad people often play off their poor behavior by masking in a false visage of “care”. At its weakest, this caring might look like jealousy — in which the abusers claims that their deep love and affection for you causes them to lash out. When we take a deeper look at this excuse, however, we often find that it is empty. It’s just another manipulation meant to keep you in line and chained to their selfish desires.
More often than not, bad people know that they’re bad people. That’s what makes them bad. When they step out of line, they know it. Unable to feel any guilt or remorse, however, they’ll often buy their way out of troublewith you…just to keep your better concerns quiet. While this might work for a while, it can’t work forever. Our emotions will always out, and so will our truths and frustrations.
Blame games abound
Toxic people love nothing more than to blame others for everything that goes wrong in their lives (or, indeed, anything that goes wrong in the world). They’re unable to step up to the plate, and they’re unwilling to admit when they’ve pushed things too far. Instead of saying “Sorry — I was wrong,” they retaliate with, “Look what you made me do.” They live in a reality entirely of their own making, and in that making they are always the hero and everyone else around them is always the villain.