Astrong relationship is one in which both partners stand united, equal in their contributions to themselves and to one another. When one partner begins to give more than they take (and vice versa) it leads to a serious imbalance of power and the inevitable resentment that all emotional dismissal brings.
We can build better, more equitable partnerships, by getting real and both what we want and and what we need — from our partners and ourselves. By taking a good, long look at what makes us tick, we can start to fall in love with ourselves and thereby see the worth and the value that we bring to the partnerships we are mutually creating.
Our tendency to give-up or give-in.
Romantic relationships are complex and nuanced, with a number of subtleties that can be difficult to navigate. Among these is the balance of power, and the way in which we manage the give-and-take that every partnership requires. When one partner begins to take more than they give, they take advantage of the other party and create an imbalance of power that leave both struggling to create a life that is both meaningful or fulfilling.
It’s important that the relationships we build are equitable and fair, but that’s something that takes the commitment of both partners, as well as each one knowing their personal worth. If we don’t value ourselves, it’s hard for others to value us. And that all comes down to our individual self-esteem, as well as how we value and balance our core emotional needs.
When we fail to look after our own needs within a relationship, or we put them on the back-burner for another person, it often leads to resentmentand an inevitable implosion that only leads to further unhappiness.Creating better partnerships requires us to build better versions of ourselves, but that asks us to dig deep and spend a lot of time getting familiar with both what we want and what we value in a relationship.
Why we allow our partners to take advantage of us.
We don’t just wake up one day and decide to let our partners take advantage of us, it’s a process that happens slowly and (usually) as a result of a range of other underlying issues. When you have a complusive need to please, or just a shroud of guilt and low self-esteem, it can lead to believing you deserve less than you actually do. Part of the process of tearing ourselves out of these imbalances is getting understanding who we are and why we behave the way we do.
When you’re a chronic people-pleaser, the needs and desires of everyone else come first and your own needs come second. As this cycle is perpetuated, it sends the same message to the people around you, and encourages them to take advantage of you and pile-up on you with their own problems, traumas and trials.
Even the best-laid boundaries are useless if we fail to stick to them or enforce them. When we allow our boundaries to soften, or give even the slightest bit of leeway to someone who is looking to take advantage of us, it can lead to a number of repeat offenses and open up the door on hardships we aren’t prepared to deal with. The best policy is to retain your boundaries— no matter what and no matter who…